You’d think that adult children of dysfunctional families would paint themselves as victims. Constantly expecting or wanting sympathy and reassurance that they’re special and loved. “Please feel sorry for me! My daddy didn’t love me enough!”
It turns out that more often than not, the opposite is true. They tend to judge themselves exponentially harder than other people. In many cases, this is because when they were growing up, the consequences for failure were pretty dire. You just didn’t bring home low grades, or make mistakes, or have bad moods, or express feelings. If you did, it was met with explosive reactions that made it pretty clear that those things are off limits. It’s what weak people do. It’s taught that failure is the worst thing a human can do — it’s unforgivable.